Olydom....

Due to his impending promotion to the 'Gordon Brown Car Booty Viewers Club - TM' Oly has been looking for a new career. Latest suggestion is as a novelty condom. The 'Oly French Tickler' or 'Olydom' will be a boon the the shagger of fat Aunts of the Feltz variety - simply wedge the retarded boy bass player on your cheb end before entering the fat gunt - he will act as a sort of sexual rawl plug; meaning you won't have to resort to more traditional methods like tying a four by two accross your arse.

Please note this is a copyright PFJB product - bringing you innovation through deviance!

We're Back

After our sellout 'no condoms, no penicillin', no cure' tour of Botswanan brothels.

Dear Oly

Oly you are a total utter kunt,
When you came round yesterday to bring back my bass which you fucking broke you kunt. You couldn't resist it could you you little bastard? Because I was out and my lovely virgin girlfriend and childhood sweetheart was in - who incidentally I have never got past first base with, you just had to didn't you, you fucking sexual retard. You twat you fucked her in every fucking hole you kunt, didn't you?
I can fix the fucking bass but what the fuck am i supposed to do with her tattered hymen and arsehole you kunt? All she does now is sit round leaking everywhere and grinning a lot - you dirty, retarded shabby little KUNT KUNT KUNT KUNT bastard Kunt!

Cunts of the day - Birds

I hate birds.

I hate the way they fly about thinking their awesome.

Flying around with their chirpy songs only to bring shit and holes in bin bags.

I hate that loads of people love them.

I fucking hate the aunts.

I wish they'd all fuck off and leave me alone, I'm fed up with sitting in the bath with the lights off crying in fear of them.

Bastards.

Meh...your a cunt.

The bassist is freaking out

The front bottom is currently having a lot of time off

The drummer is smashing a double pedal

And the guitarist is currently admiring Hardy's work but not Laurels, because he's a fat aunt.

This is Worrall's pretend facebook status' for today.

It makes a nice change from them all reading '...is a cunt'

Which we all are of course.

Live wrong and prosper.

Appologies

Sorry for the picture below. I didn't realise how much of a total solar eclipse fat fucker fatty Feltz was in black tights. Jeeesus the bloody lights went out. Not even well know BBW fan and chubby chaser Oly would fuck that. I'm no fasion guru but women with thighs that big shouls not wear tight leggings - they say black is slimming!

Sorry but just helping her out Feltz fans.....

Too Fat To Fuck Part 1

Being too optimistic may hamper attempts to lose weight, a study suggested.
'Optimism' hampers weight loss
People who are "happy and fat" tend to respond less well to slimming programmes, said psychologists.
The findings indicate that a little negativity might benefit slimmers by leading them to worry more about their health and appearance.

No shit sherlock - tell us something else we don't know. Perhaps I can assist a few fat bastards by running up to them in the street and saying....'oi fat cunt, yes you, you lard arsed twat, you look a fukin state you dirty smelly greasy lump of overextended shit, i dunno how you dare come out of the house - now get your flabby chops down to weightwatchers and sweat some off fatty bastardos'. Now did that help?

Silly Kunt

Man marries four women on same day
A man has married four women at the same time during a ceremony attended by hundreds
WTF - he must have his fucking eggs scrambled. Hey Chard how do you fancy 4 fookin wives?

It's not all doom and gloom

It should be known that the bassist is currently resembling a cheshire cat and has remembered how happy a man could actually be. It'll end in tears, obviously, but here right now, he's fucking smiling like a proper kunt.

Complete and utter aunts No. 56

This kunt robot goes by the name of Victoria Beckham. Once a member of 'skat eaters anonymous', or as they we're known in the pub(l)ic eye 'the spice girls', she pretended to sing for many years. While we'd of all sodomised Emma Bunton we would never of even touched Pinnochio deviant 2nd cousin for fear of cumming on her circuit board and getting eletrocuted.

She has recieved many upgrades throughout her 3,000 year excistence, including the application of larger processing chips in her tits to make her more of kunt at a quicker speed.

Her stealing of David Beckham's soul was both calculated and planned and robbed English football of someone who could actually play. He's a cunt though none the less for not mashing her robotic face in with a cricket bat at the earliest opportunity. There is however solid rumours that she has inserted an explosive device into the space that once inhabited his brain before she stole it while he slept and that is why he's a complete fucking idiot. If he attempts to break free and find his hidden brain the robotic bitch will blow his head off in the blink of an eye.

Victoria Beckham you are a fucking disgrace.

Get back in your spaceship you buried in the Essex cuntryside and fuck off back to planet kunt in the universe of kunt, you orange stained kunt.

Ok, once.

My ring otomy of the Day

This is a myringotomy being carried out. Trust me on this, I'm something of an expert. if anyone thinks it is reminiscent of a mouse's ear, then I'm afraid, you deviant, that you are incorrect old chum - INCORRECT. For this is MY ringotomy and not yours. And you only get one of these if you can prove that you've always eaten your greens. From cradle to gravy.

The Fat Controller

Here he is, he's got such challenging BMI that he's no doubt facing an onset of gout and necrotizing worms of the sort that narrowly failed to see off that uber-kundt Ben Fogle the other week. Nonetheless, fatty that he may be, he's still in charge of Network Rail, and here on Worralls' blog we are privy to information that Sir Toppam Hatt, to confer the rotund gent's actual name that's actually printed on his birth certificate, is making a bid to take over beleagured operator National Express East Coast. In the secret memorandum that drummer Pigflu Jade saw in the dungeon of local Bayswater S&M masseuse Maxine Mosley, Sir Hatt claims that Sugababes will be retrained on the older traction - mainly split-box Class 45s - whilst chirpy cockney Dizzee Rascal is to lead a new range of Fair Trade produce in the restaurant cars. Steam haulage will return to the Holy Island branch off Northumberland coast, presently operated by Harold the Helicopter.

Additional reporting by Pigflu Jade and Melinda Missionary-Position, Clinical Waste Correspondent.

Worralls roadies meet at first convention -Congratulations in order!

Today saw the meeting of two very different Worrall's roadies, who's meeting brings together great expertise in helping us move forward into a new era with the band. We was not however expecting them to have sex and now Worrall's will be having their first ever child.

The Mother is said to be doing very well and we're looking forward to taking the little blighter on tour with us in months to cum.

WORRALLS EXCLUSIVE - CUM SHOT

Picture released of Worrall's bassist's first on camera money shot

Dish of the day - Dogs' Eggs

A slight case of overbaking I think. These crumbly beauties were laid earlier by a visually-impaired poodle in Deptford Park, SE16.

The price of meat

It has cum to our attention like my gran's dog that women like to weigh themselves at regular intervals.

Now a woman likes to weigh slightly less than their sister and will try various means to get to this weight, such as cabbage diets, being a member of fat club or just out of control raw fish induced shitting, whatever it maybe a woman is always wanting to loss weight.

We as men are naturally kunts, this is true, no more so than the men that form the backbone of society that is Worralls. We ask you Worrall's followers (you aunts) to next time your lady is weighing herself to slip in her your meat, this will result in average 1-4lbs in extra weight making it not only hilarious but keeping the bitches insecure enough to never leave you.

All in all fucking hilarious times.

God we're KUNTS.

New Front Man Not Wanted Here....

Jeeeesus what is this unber aunt on?

It's Shoe Time!

Have you had my shoes Oly?
http://www.tube8.com/fetish/jerk-into-my-heels/177997/

This is a public service announcement........with guitars................ and I'm a kunt

Worrall's bassist has nearly what he wants

Worrall's frontbottom has the roundys laid

Worrall's guitarist has ordered a commie bird of prey

Worrall's drummer is operating some large portable tea making machine

Worralls are and always shall be....on it.

Know that whenever your lives lay in the midst of boring that one of us four kunts shall be up to something that'll blow your mind to an inch of your own beliefs.

This is the gospel according to Worralls.

BTW that new class 70 is SHIT

Cockster Crunched:

Once again Britains most inferior form of pubic trasport proves its sheeet....A bus driver (i.e.taxi driver with his brains kicked out) piles his bus into the bus stop and some merchant banker's Porsche - 'its a fookin win-win then' said a Worralls spokesman earlier today from the bar of the 'Faggot and Crotch' in Lewisham.
CCTV shows bus crashing into Porsche Play video

Sugababes name new band member:

And it will be our very own bassististist 'Oly'. He will be taking up his new position next week which will be about 3 inches up the shitter of the existing members. Oly said earlier today 'I want to shag a bird'

John 'Fingering Willy' WIlson

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

If Marks and Spencer's made acunts they'd make Richard Littlejohn

This man above is no ordinary aunt, oh no this bloke is a steaming 1st class top shelf aunt, the kind you wouldn't tell if they we're about to pick up the soap in a prison shower in fact you'd be the 1st to folk them.

Little John as he's known to his non excistant friends writes for the aunt's publication, the Daily Mail, or as it's know the daily 'A muslim illegal immgrant raped my white baby and then fed him to Somalian pirates while Brown took money from orphans while bumming rent boys' mail.

Any man held in any light by any daily mail reader is an aunt, never mind one that writes in it every week.

People sat in the 16th century trying to come up with more horrendous ways to kill people than hanging them drawing them and quatering them solely for aunts like this.

There is no human way to kill this aunt, and the fact is I think he's actually a hell born devil witch that is impossible to kill, although I would spend a great deal of time trying to kill this utter aunt with no remorse I feel apart from magic he will only be served a great deal of pain it is something I have to deal with and will continue to try and kill him for many years to come.

THE CONT

Arsewasps - the final frontier

If you have a last minute sniff of a date with with a hot bird of a friday afternoon, it's imperative that a self-respecting gentleman rake-out any attendant arsewasps thoroughly, just in case any 'rimming' is later encountered with the young lady.

WORRALLS frontbottom recommends the use of gently perfumed babywipes, from a pleasantly decorated box such as the one pictured above, to sanitize your arsecrack prior to any hotsex action.

Additional reporting Letitia Clunge, Starfish & Nipsy Correspondent

Essex's dog shagger

Today in a paper that calls itself 'the sun' that would be better naming itself 'the shit head' featuring a cunt called John Gaunty who is at such a high level of cuntishness that he is actually on the world governing cunts director's table, it actually has five legs because its a table for cunts.

Anyway I digress, the shit head today featured an article where they interviewed 'Jordan' Aka 'Jordan' on the fact that she was fucked senseless while drunk (ie 'raped') Her use of rape is used, like her fanny, in the loosest possible way.

Some quarters have even had the nerve to suggest that Worrall's own bassist was responsible for the 'attack' but was quick to reply:

'If I'd of raped that old bint she wouldn't of been so aunting vague about who did, I promise you kunts that'

WORRALLS-PUNK have though undertaken some research into this incident and can confirm the bumming occurred when the 'model' was out drinking in Barking, Essex. What the shit head didn't mention was that in the same club on the same evening ex film star Lassie was in attendance for a charity gig. On thinking Jordan was in fact an old dog Lassie's animal instinct took the better of him and before he knew it he found himself 2 inches hard. He does however not believe that he did rape her as he's pretty sure he didn't touch the sides, which he believes, as a dog, constitutes rape.

Lassie however today was unavailable for comment although his friend the smoking beagle confirmed that he'd gone into hiding in a kennel.

The Friday Focus - Tri-ang

Not to be confused with the urban sprawl of Tring (pop 1,667, 423, source 2008 census), the Tri-ang range, launched by Blues Brothers & Sons in Liverpool in 1932 was a source of endless enjoyment for countless generations of youngsters. And their slightly over-friendly uncles.

WORRALLS base guitarist commented, live from a Virgin Pendolino tilting train:

Just gone through Tring, which is too much like Tri-ang. I was expecting huge cheap looking items to do deviant things on our passing, like drop the mail off in the catcher, duck the giraffe under the pole and drop the coal into a plastic lorry. None of which actually happened though. I want to f*** a bird.

This post has been deleted by a Moderator due to inappropriate content

Hat + $hit = Face

Jasmine Lebron (above) has launched a new range of Hat-shit faces on her designer label 'Scat.' Fashion-conscious Shoreditch socialites are queing round the blog to clamp these rank new styles onto their boat-races:

Bulldog chewing a wasp

Trod-on chip

Welder's bench

Bulldog licking piss off a nettle

Slapped arse

Fuck! My house has gone up in flames, is it aunting well insured?

Bulldog licking piss off a wasp-infested nettle that has marinaded in vinegar for a fortnight

Additional reporting by Graze Foreskin, Media & Limescale Correspondent

Daily Duncans #28 - Bannatyne

In the spirit of entrepreneurship fostered, nay espoused by this wily Scottish-based Dragon, WORRALLS are delighted to bring to you, our devoted public, this charming tribute in the chords of G and Z.

Dragons Den (WORRALL/WORRALL)

Debra’s checkin out my all-line atlas
A flick of her switch turns it into a mattress
Chew me out baby til the end of the show
A satnav to your FMS, how wrong can I go?

Theo, I handmade this with you in mind
Have a go, gently coax it from behind
I need your wonga to finesse the widgets
Oops! It wasn’t meant to come off on your digits

CHORUS:

M-M, M-M-F – Dragons Den!
Who’s in, who’s out, where’s it gonna end?

Dragons Den!
What key's each dragon tossing in?
Fourway cluster, spin the bottle, you can never win
DRAGONS DEN! DRAGONS DEN!
DRAGONS DEN! DRAGONS DEN!

Two metre Pete you like fast cars
Grammar school chaps sometimes struggle with their Rs
Got a gizmo for your Lambo to hold a milky biscuit
I only need 100k and you’re the man to risk it

Duncan do you have a taste for sauce
Your ice cream cornet is a tour de force
Pull the handle on my pick’n’mix
50k juices-on the heated knicks

They’ve overbaked it in the dirty den
James needs another visit to the ATM
Stand up and take it like a man
We can see the downside of your business plan

© WORRALLS 2009 Split-This Music, dip in the bowl, pull out reggae reggae sauce

The cod father

It has cum to my attention that fish and chips shops in this cuntry have been naming themselves in deviant ways while not yet banned by the four eyed donkey punching spice girls liking kunts at the EU it is time to enjoy these names. Below is a list of fish and chip shops discovered by Worralls on their recent crusades to put as many non believers to the (pork) sword as humanly possible:

'The frying scotsman'

'Bruised and battered'

'Battered shit'

'Fucking fish'

'The codfather'

'Chips and fish'

'Battersea cod's home'

'Battered wives'

'Oh my cod'

Now we all like a good dose of fish and chips and no more so than our very own bassist who's parents are actually land breathing haddock mutants. Our frontbottom's favourite dish is haddock pasty and the guitarist favourite dish is battered sausage with a wig on.

Yours truly

One of four kunts.

Train of the day #43 'The Commie bird of prey'

This is HS4000, she's a babe, if you don't like her your a kunt.

-That's all-

Gherkin Pickling Recipe of the day

To pickle this gherkin, Antony Worrall-Thompson reckons you will need 567,000,000,000,000 tbsp of pickling vinegar.

Johnny cum-lately Jamie Oliver (UK SUBS turkey drummer) calculates that 449,000,000,000,000 tbsp are required, but he adds 67,000,000 black pepper corns.

Who is right? You, WORRALLS public must deicide.

Additional reporting by Louise Clusterfolk, Ping & Pong Correspondent

Arthur C. Scargill's Tit-Man's Column

It's 1984 again, and here we can see passionate tit afficianado Arthur C. Scargill holding his little chum Jizz the coal-tit aloft on his horny gnarled pitman's shorthand.

Unfortunately, shortly after this image was captured by Corder's camera lens, a junglist posse erupted from the bushes and shot them both dead.

Additional reporting by Sarah Beanbags, Clutter & Untidiness Correspondent

Well-Hung Guitarist of the Day

Well-hung guitarist of today is Eck, who played with the EXPLOITED between the years 1854 and 1855. Seen here near his latter day home in Beckinsale, coincidentally the birthplace of not only Susan Boyle but also celebrity rapist Jack O'Tweed OBE, 'Big' Eck as he was known, was sufficiently well hung you could knot his old chap four times and still pleasure a nun satisfactorily.

Additional reporting by Royal Correspondent D.V.Aunt

Brine Manufacturing Plant of the Day

Brine manufacturer of the day today is Associated Octel at Amlwch in the wonderful fairytale island of Anglesey which is near Portugal.

The Romans invented seawater in this rural idyll, and traces of their civilisation can still be discerned in the Golden Fryer Fish & Chip Salon, at nearby Red Wharf Bay. Sadly the station here was an early victim of closure, by the LMS in 1948, ostensibly as a result of farm animals having been touched inappropriately by members of hated prog-rock group Gnog.

Modellers wishing to recreate the above scene will find a suitable Class 24 in the ranges of both Graham Farish (N, 2mm ft) and Bachmann (OO, 4mm ft).

Additional reporting by 'CHARD

Enter turtle's head from stage rear

This morning at around 07:14 while on the train I felt a sharp sensation as I realised a Turtle's head had nudged me. This crusty faced animal was somewhat cold and hard and it needed to be disptached into water as soon as possible to ensure it's continued survival.



Like many Worrall's posts we like to give you, the reader (all 4 of you aunts, and one of you is in the band) a peice of advice, under no circumstances should a turtle's head be not submerged in water for more than one hour this will result in drying out and whilting resulting in pain and discomfort.

Brown Windsor Soup

Well i'm not fuckin inviting her again! Anybody got any bread?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkZaH5rzdTk

A damn good Kidney-Wiping

This is well polished. I do like it when kidneys have had a good wiping, although it must've been a ruddy great chamois leather did this porker.

Ze 1st German fan has surfaced.

Calling himself 'Kuntaknackers' this chap has shown much praise for Worralls since when the wall fell down (in his garden) his deviant activities in Germany have been a treasure trove for the country's national press, his latest stunt, while escaped from prison, involved walking into a bank with a live chicken stuffed with grapes that he fired like a gun with a simple squeeze at unsuspected punters.

The chicken molesting 'Kuntaknackers' is currently serving life imprisonment for stabbing his next door neighbour after believing him to be a clone of Boris Yeltsin that was intent on raping him, in his defence he had eaten nothing for two weeks but an entire Ikea dining room set. Later the corner had found that consumed Swedish MDF is renowned for making you see clones of dead Russian presidents with donkey sized massive erections.

Here is the photo he sent us from the maximum security prison in Dusseldorf .

It's Third Hairy Reich-Around

Yes folks, it's that time of the week where we reach around something hairy. And today it's crabs. Yes, lawd bless tham, the wily crustaceans with sixteen legs and a dozen eyes, that pulse through England's sewers in great waves, feasting on what us disgusting wasteful humans throw away, and exploiting every last inch of the foul water system laid so cunningly by the Victorians under the tutelage of the great Mother and Daughter Engineering Combo Isobel and Sweetcorn Brunel.

Spare a thought for the chap reaching around the giant hairy fish and poo smelling behemoth in the above image - for by the simple matter of reaching around this bony hairy beast from the earthy nether regions of decay, he has terminally infected himself with a crabflu infusion known as strain HN53. Barely enough time of his mortal life remains as it ebbs away - time insufficient even to nosh on a crabstick pasty or even a giant turtle's teat.

Poor doomed bastard.

Bird of the day

The Chatham Shag (Phalacrocorax onslowi), also known as the 'Up to the maker's plate one finger in the arse shag', is a species of bird in the Phalacrocoracidae family. It is endemic to North Kent.

Its natural habitats are night clubs and kebab houses. It is thriving in council estates, and considered full of STDs and stolen products.

References
FuckingChavs International 2005. Phalacrocorax onslowi. 2006 IUCN Red List of Cum swollowing species. Downloaded on 27 July 2007.
External links
BirdLife Species Factsheet.
"Recovery plan for Chatham Island shag and Pitt Island shag 2001-2011" (PDF). Department of Saggy cunts in Kent
http://www.doc.govt.nz/upload/documents/science-and-technical/TSRP43.pdf. Retrieved 2007-09-28.

WORRALLS reveal Cretan dates bassist stand-in

WORRALLS Cretan dates - in some doubt after Oly's failure to be granted a temporary visa for the Greek leg of the Chef's Own Sauce tour - have been saved after punk legend Rick 'Annihilator' Astley heroically stepped into the breach.

"Obviously it's a very big gap to fill," said Rick, "but and it's a big but, plugging it was important to me as I've been a longstanding WORRALLS fan since seventy-eight."

WORRALLS look forward to enjoying plenty of Greek action as the nights draw in....

WORRALLS Thik-Shake puts hers on your chest

Spotted earlier in the Ropethrower's Arms, Shoreditch, these two honies were gulping down gloopy local delicacy WORRALLS Thik-Shake. Cumming in four fruity flavours with a peppery afterkick, Thik-Shake has been enjoyed by generations of punk rock chicks since 1873, when it was first imported to Britain by Sir Charles of Harper, UK SUBS legendary frontbottom.

To claim your free mouthful of Thik-Shake, see the bassest after the show.

Worralls tour members found

The surprising fact about a pasta diet

Just a quick blog entry this morning from the Bassist before the afternoon begins in ten minutes...



This morning I was giving the turd gods an ultimatum when I turned around to check on it's dispatch I noticed that it's hard and lumpy surface actually resembled something from my youth...



As the water washed away the shiny layer of tea stain from the ultimatum's coating, it turned out to be none other than an actual lima class 08 that I'd somehow produced through my new diet of pasta and lasagne.



As a child I'd often held the lima class 08 in my hands and wondered how someone could make such an utter peice of shit, and now as I enter my formal adult years I find that it was actually produced by Lima factory employess while grazing on the pan after making sad faced class 47s.



An Italian diet will produce a hard plastic peice of shit.



You have been warned.

WORRALLS influences # 69 - THE JAM

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jessica's dog snatch 'horror'

Jessica Simpson has told of her horror after a Californian plastic surgeon inadvertently stitched a coyote quim in place of her mouse's ear. The actress, 29, above, told fans on WORRALLS-punk her heart was broken and offered a reward to the first bloke to mount 'Daisy' as she has relunctantly christened her new unkempt bush-hound. 'HORROR! Please somebody help' she added.

Worrall's legend #1

Sir James May

Watch any programme he is in, we say no more.

Long may he reign as television's British legend.

There's a round of real ale pints awaiting your drinking Sir May.

You are an aunting legend.

Drink tea not aids ridden water

It's a Thursday morning and to be honest all is shit.

But alas as we awake to this damp and sodden cuntry that some call England we have one great British tradition left to us - drinking a cup of tea.

Now tea is awesome, tea doesn't waver at the gayness of it's homosexual cousin coffee or the French's reluctance to even admit it's existence but we've been drinking the aunting stuff since before the bible. It's a well known fact that while shooting down Germans Douglas Bader was drinking from a flask of tea. Every single invention ever to come out this cuntry has been designed and made with a cup of tea in hand and in a shed.

Without tea this cuntry would never exist. It's helps you shit, it helps your hangover, its helps you when your down.

Look at any photo of any British disaster or read any reports about it and somewhere someone is having a brew. Just look at one of the biggest railway disasters in British History, Lewisham where a steam train ran into the back of another train causing a bridge to collapse the report says that after the accident one of the first things to happen was not the emergency crews arriving but the local WI setting up a stall to serve the crash victims tea.

FUCK IT'S AWESOME!

Complete and utter aunts No.34

This pie eating aunt, thinks that buy stuffing Gregg's pasties into her orifices and singing one good song means she is the official voice of obese birds around the world. I've just seen you on the television with your stupid make up that I last saw on a pavement after watching a 17 year old Alsatian coughing up some old rope that he'd eaten at the docks.

You need to stop being fat, STOP (for fuck's sake) taking off your clothes and stop licking your shoes, god knows what white arse weasels a poodle has dropped.

You are a folking disgrace Ditto.

I would though, obviously.

Bassist's new punk girlfriend No.93

For some time Worralls bassist has been watching the progress of Florence and her machine (through a ADSL connection) and would very much like to show her his machine, it makes many noises and on occasion it can produce a special lotion that although at first may make you wince but it is full of protein to help your bones grow.

Those weeds need trimming though

MEET WORRALLS' 50lb GROWLER

Bride-To-Be Joanne Says "Pie Do!"

It will be one of those romantic moments to treasure. Newlyweds Stuart and Joanne Booth will tenderly gaze into each other’s eyes pick up the special wedding cake knife and together plunge it into the three tiers of a 50lb “growler’.

The pair both aficionados of the pork pie will celebrate their nuptials on Saturday with a world first.

They and their 100 guests will not be tucking into an iced fruit cake after the reception. Instead they will be treated to portions of a championship-winning pork pie, lovingly baked in Huddersfield and served, of course, with a spoonful of mushy peas.

The zany idea is set to be a highlight of the wedding of 45-year-old Stuart, a self-employed builder, and 39-year-old Joanne Robinson, a senior home care worker for Kirklees Council.

With his carefully crafted boiled eggs in pork pie hat image, scuzz rocker Peter Doherty commented to WORRALLS WORLD "when I was in the Libertines with my mate Carl Barat, we'd snort mushy peas off the naked torsos of pillhead daft-birds, before popping out for a copy of Carp Angler."

RAIL Features Editor Richard Clinnick commented "PIE" before drooling with a somewhat overlarge tongue lolling from the corner of his mouth.

As reported by 'CHARD

Complete and utter aunts No.12

This utter aunt is pretty much the Jesus of the aunts, this boney faced shit head through copying and pasting other books has somehow amassed a fortune through being a complete donkey shagging twat.

We all love bashing a bishop but we don't go and make shit up about the Pope, that's just asking to go blind. The 'Da Vinci code' is an utter pile of steaming dog turd and the KUNTS that made it into a film should be shot without passion and all copies of it given to wolves (and not the orange wearing shit munching football team)

Windy and wet for a change

Monday 14 September 2009 to Sunday 20 September 2009

It's too early in the year for anticyclonic gloom but Moto's high pressure dome is filling with cloud* so pure blue skies are gone. Likewise, frost and fog will be very limited.

Oly's breeze has picked up, a northeasterly which will be strong across southeast Britain, gusting to near gale in the Dover Strait.

Golden rain has been scarce in Norfolk and Kent this summer - this may well be redressed this week as rain generated in the heart of Europe (Germany) circulates over southeast England.

* this may actually be a PCB

Hornby railroad's new Deltic 'The shiny turd'

Today saw the release of Hornby's newest attempt at polishing an old turd, 55001. Now Lima made some old shit, don't get me wrong, but the shittiest of the shit was the Deltic, it's about a scale 6,000 ft too short (slight exaggeration) and it looked like it suffered from learning difficulties. To add insult to injury the aunts at Lima gave her a ruddy pancake motor that came straight out of Queen Victoria's DC powered monster-cock vibe.

Then when Lima died its long overdue death and finescale modellers of the world rejoiced as the factory was burned to the ground with every single class 42 ever made by them used as fuel everyone thought we'd seen the back of the pasta-enthusiast aunts.

BUT NO

Some kunt had been sucking on too much Margate rock and decided to introduce a range of polished turds under the banner of 'Hornby Railroad;' this wasn't a bad idea - cheap and cheerful models for detailers and kids alike. Problem is the daft aunts have priced them mentally, in fact so mentally that much more advanced products from competitors are near enough the same price.

Take the newest turd to arrive in the 80s style packaging, 55001 the RRP is £44, FOLK OFF YOU UTTER DAFT AUNTS, look at the glass in it, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???

Anyone who buys this model should be pelted in the streets with Lima class 09 chassis weights.

Daft aunts.

F1 Deviancy is Unleashed

Renault has announced that team boss Flavio 'Garlic-barse' Briatore and engineering chief Pat 'The Rimmer' Symonds have parted company with the team and that it will "not dispute" the allegations of face-sitting when it appears before the World Motor Sport Council next week.

The team had been accused of asking driver Nelson Piquet to wank furiously during last year's Singapore Grand Prix in order to cause a heavy period that would work to his team-mate Fernando Alonso's advantage. The Spaniard went on to win the race.

"The ING Renault F1 Team will not dispute the recent allegations made by the FIA concerning the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix," said a statement from the team. "It also wishes to state that its managing director, Flavio 'Humid-crutch' Briatore and its executive director of engineering, Pat 'Tits' Symonds, have left the team.

"Before attending the hearing before the FIA World Motor Sport Council in Paris on 21 September 2009, the team will not make any further comment."
Shortly before losing his drive with Renault, Piquet approached the FIA with the allegation that Briatore and Symonds had asked him to cause a deliberate accident that would bring out the safety car in Singapore, and that his heavy coma-cum on lap 14 of the race had therefore been pre-planned.
Alonso - who had been a contender for pole until a qualifying fuel pump failure left him only 15th on the grid - had made a very early pitstop just before the caution caused by Piquet's crash and duly vaulted to the front of the field, from where he delivered Renault's first cable of a difficult season.
Reuters

Frontier Town - Lyrics of the day

Frontier Town (WORRALL/WORRALL)

Bleached-out beach huts look the same
Another hag-night’s wall of shame
Teenage sex on homing pigeon crates
One flies outta this cuckoo nest…

Next stop: it’s Pearly Gates

CH:
Frontier Town, Frontier Town
Smackin-up kids, getting us down
Frontier Town Frontier Town
Gotta mash it up with a punk rock sound

What’s to live for down the park
Highs to die for in the dark
Kids on ketamine and red diesel
If Saxo racing don’t get ya…

Then a sex disease will


On-it and at-it schoolnights
Like rabbits caught in headlights
No way back since the rails quit Deadtown
Gotta get outta here…

Narcotic siege: lockdown


McGill cartoon wannabies
Crop circling like wallabies
BMI baby or false-call alarm
Tearing this place a new arsehole…

No closure: just self-harm


© WORRALLS 2009 Split-This Music, breaching inhuman rights,
lyrics reproduced by the rabid seagulls of Holeworld-to-Sea

Badly packed kebab

Last night I found myself strolling through the streets of a Kentish town after buying some impromptu local fine butcher's beef. I was somewhat bemused to discover a lady chewing on a very badly packed kebab, instead of simply peaking my cap to the young lady in question I decided to part her under garments and slip her a length of my beef, only to be confronted by the below on parting her huge rump. Needless to say I pounded the badger with my meat a few times before it finally relented.

Be warned fellow late night walkers that evil badgers do lurk in locations unknown and unsuspected by man and a simple bash of meat and their anger seems to subside.

Time's Up for OXO?

Breaking news would have it that Glaxo Smithkline, present owners of the well-loved quintessentially English 'OXO' brand - popularised during the musically suspect Eighties by commercial break MILF (becoming GILF later) Linda Bellendingham - are looking to sell the exploitation rights to the convenient cheeky foil-clad stock cube. Garlic-nadgered Flavio Briatore is hotly tipped to be in the running for saving this classic brand from extinction. Representatives of George Harrison were unavailable for comment yesterday.

Frontier town fondness

Beef Curtains?

Whilst preparing some New Zealand topside earlier, it struck me that it would be a relatively straightforward matter to knock-up a set of curtains from the hide of one of these beasts for use in WORRALLS rehearsal bunker.

Do any readers have experience of similar forays into the world of abbatoir-based home furnishings. For example, did you make a pork sheath for a draught excluder? Maybe you've dressed your gran's pouffe with gammon rashers.

WORRALLS' collection of celebrities you'd do things to you wouldn't do to a farm animal #42

I'm nursing a semi over this old dog

Jim Carroll - R.I.P Punk Soul Brother

England's Times newspaper records the passing of Jim Carroll, poet, author and punk musician. The guy was a chum of scat artist and bum-product devourer Robert Mapplethorpe. In his honour, WORRALLS will premiere new track 'Carry On Bakin,' once we've baked it to chef's satisfaction.

Greasy Arse Weasels???

We all love a good greasy arse weasel, no more so than Richard Madeley who we hear likes to chew on Judy's weasels.

The filthy beggar. Here we see Judy readying herself with a fart for Richard's forthcoming lunch.

Introducing WORRALLS - 21st Century OldSchool Punk Rock

WORRALLS
Moto - wrist
Oly - basest
PJ - skins
'Chard - worms

Rising penix-like from the ashes of SkullBuggery and Harmburger when these legendary icons of the scene folded in 2005, WORRALLS' philosophy is straightforward: every db needs punk rock protein, five portions a day.

I’m (NOT) Jamie’s Dad - Lyrics

Where it all began, against the last steam loco to run in British Railways' service.... This track is dedicated to BR's last operational locomotive roundhouse, Barrow Hill (41D), spiritual home and birthplace of WORRALLS

I’m (NOT) Jamie’s Dad (WORRALL/WORRALL)

Hey honey are ya havin’ a good time
Sit down let’s share a pint of damson wine
I’ve been watchin ya all night long
Come on let’s dance to the band’s next song

Chorus:
Jamie’s dad, Jamie’s dad
After all the fun I had
I’ll cack my pants, prolapse
I’d better not be Jamie’s dad

Nice to meet a gal who ain’t on Bacardi Breezers
You needed rescuing from beardy CAMRA geezers
I sign the road to Didcot although it’s pretty far
My old man drives grids there on the MGR

The encore’s playing – hey ho, let’s go
I’ll slip you a length against this 4-6-0
Never had a johnny in my hour of need
Hope you ain’t up the stick from my pre-cum bead


You’re telling Jeremy Kyle where it all went wrong

After I chewed through your green Primark thong

See Graham after the show now don’t look so sad

The DNA test proves that I’m not Jamie’s dad


© WORRALLS 2009 all rights reversed,
lyrics reproduced by kind persimmon homes

Unleashed - Lyrics

It's not seen, it's not unseen it's just slightly obscene - Another WORRALLS lyric to make your mind shoot itself in the foot. Credit to the dbs who made this track possible: you know who you aunt.

Unleashed (WORRALL/WORRALL)

Living in a frigment of your own invention
Thinking things too deviant to mention
Hey girl you could make me a million
Join the line for a duck tape brazilian

Queuing for the ATM behind C&A
Make this deviant image go away
Wronger than Ronald dry-bumming a pig
Like some HGV driver in heels and a wig

This cheeky bit is the chorus:
Your deviancy’s unleashed
Turning over some other cheeks
Now the Vulcan spreads his cape
And you’re hard: Hardover the Gape

Here comes childless Dad of the Year
Sneakin in quietly from the rear
Drives like Katie’s dirty little sister
He’s just the ass-collector in the Firkin & Fister

Munich rapper asked us could we scat
I said take cover, don’t want no more of that
Throw ropes in the deep end but we didn’t sink
The tricky brown or the easier pink


© WORRALLS 2009 all rights revered, deviancy not valid without a Senior Citizens Railcard

Train enthusiasts' note, Hardover The Gape was the name originally allocated to Class 87 no.87036; the plates were cast but never applied. It is believed that to this day they still dwell in the shift production manager's office at Camden shed.

Fucked

Keith Floyd

What a folk king hero - king of the Chefs - king of the piss artists.

And lest we forget, fan of the mighty Meninblack THE STRANGLERS.

WORRALLS' basest commented: "You'll be missed dude. Hope they don't cremate ya, it'll take six months to put the fucking fire out!"